If NASA's Curiosity Rover Had Accidentally Landed in the Czech Republic Instead of on Mars… | Reflex.cz
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If NASA's Curiosity Rover Had Accidentally Landed in the Czech Republic Instead of on Mars…

Steve Fisher17. srpna 2012 • 06:00

CALLING NASA… CURIOSITY ROVER REPORTING… SUCCESSFUL LANDING… NO DAMAGE TO SYSTEMS… ANALYTIC SENSORS SWITCHED ON… TRANSMITTING FINDINGS.

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First finding: Mars looks somewhat different than expected.

 

Atmosphere: primarily nitrogen, oxygen, argon and carbon dioxide… plus trace quantities of carbon monoxide, garlic, bacon fat, dog poop, cigarette smoke and body odor.

 

Climate: wildly variable… hot, cold, dry, humid, blistering sunshine immediately followed by thick cloud cover… rainfall erratic: if not drought, then flood.

 

Water detected… however, most of it appears to have been turned into hops-flavored coolant.

 

Life forms detected… analyzing… human-like… slow-moving… no visible signs of emotion… many creatures communicating via hand-held devices… perhaps with their mother ship… or their mother.

 

Some of the creatures appear to have difficulty walking… primarily those exiting buildings with signs saying “PUB”…

 

Now attempting to locate creatures’ governmental authorities… Searching for intelligent life forms in position of power… scanning… scanning… scanning…
No results located.

 

Waiting to cross street… green signal in shape of human detected… now moving from sidewalk into street.

 

Loud screeching sound detected.

 

Near impact with black vehicle with symbol of four interlocking rings on its front… rover air bags deployed… laser activated… vehicle destroyed.

 

Activating thought sensor… scanning creatures at random.

 

Processing incoming images male creature… 1. Other male creatures kicking a ball… 2 Glass of hops-flavored coolant… 3. Female creature's breasts… 4. Sausage… 5. Female creature's breasts kicking ball of sausage into giant glass of hops-flavored coolant.

 

Switch on scanning female creature… processing incoming images… 1. Shoes… 2. Brad Pitt… 3. Shoes…4. Shoes…5. Brad Pitt holding a shoe.

 

Now being approached by one of the creatures who has exited building with sign saying “PUB”.

 

Creature is now leaning on rover.

 

Creature is attempting to insert a coin in rover’s USB socket while also inserting his shoe under rover’s tread…. Creature appears to believe that rover is some sort of mechanical shoe-shining device.

 

Laser activated… calculating amount of energy required to clean creature's shoe without incinerating its foot.

 

Laser malfunction… creature has vomited into rover laser cooling duct… rover thermal system overheating… scanning for nearest coolant source…
Entering building with sign saying “PUB”.

 

Four hours later… rover system restored to normal, actually even better than normal… hic… didn't know that rover could sink… I mean, stink… no, sting… ha, ha… you know what I mean… sing!

 

Oh, you take the high road, and I'll take the low road, and I'll be in the gale crater before ya…

 

Oops… I spilled some of my hops-flavored coolant.
Final report: Mars is amazing… these creatures are great… the female ones are gorgeous … hops-flavored coolant is excellent.

 

And, best of all, one of the male creatures has rebuilt me as an electronic gambling game and given me a job in this place.

Ciao, NASA!



Klíčová slova: rxrx



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