MEMO
From: The Prime Minister
To: Members of Parliament
Subject: 10th anniversary of legalization of marijuana in the Czech Republic
Dear bros (and lady bros),
Yo, 'sup? Sorry to disturb y'all on your day off, but it's kind of hard not to do that ever since we declared the universal three-day workweek for everybody in the country five years ago…or was it six years ago? Shit. I gotta look that up.
Anyway, no worries. The thing is that one of my buds just told me that next Tuesday it's going to be exactly ten years since we passed the bill legalizing marijuana in this country, and I was, like, Whoa! No shit? That's cool. We oughta do something to celebrate that!
My first thought was that maybe we should declare it a national holiday…no, I guess that was actually my second thought. My first thought was: When he says "next Tuesday", does he mean the one coming up this week or does he mean the one after that?
You know what I'm saying? Like, how that can be sort of confusing when on a Sunday somebody says "next Tuesday" but really they mean "this Tuesday"?
So, anyway, my second thought was the holiday idea…no, wait, maybe that was my third thought, because my second thought was: Hey, why do they call it 'Tuesday'? What a weird word! Is it related to something?
I'm sure somebody once told me why they call it that, but now I can't remember. Shit. Now I've gotta look that up too.
What was I saying? Sorry. Ha-ha! I hate when that happens. Gimme a sec. Something about Tuesday.
Oh, yeah, right! So, I thought we could make next Tuesday a national holiday, which would be pretty cool, especially because the day before is already a national holiday (Bob Marley Day) and so is the day after (National Day of Bong Cleaning). And I'm sure that folks would be happy to have the day in between free as well…like most of them don't take it off already, right? Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Now, I know that we've declared a lot of national holidays lately and that this new one would mean we'd now have 54 of them every year, which maybe seems like a lot. But I looked it up, and 54 is actually the smallest number that can be written as the sum of three squares in three different ways.
Whoa! Cool, right? Mathematics is freakin' amazing. Like, I'm reading this incredible book now about "game theory," which studies mathematical models of conflict and cooperation between intelligent rational decision-makers. Or, rather, I was reading it, but I think I left it in a taxi the other day.
Sorry. Where was I? Oh, right, the holiday thing. So, that's the reason why I'm writing to you guys and gals. Do you think y'all can quickly put together a bill to make next Tuesday "National Marijuana Day" or something like that?
When I say "quickly," a lot of you are probably laughing to yourselves (and I mean more than usual, ha-ha-ha). I know that it took you folks seven months of debate and compromise before you were finally able to agree on making Wednesdays "pizza day" in the Parliament cafeteria. But I know you can get this done if you try.
Zdenda, our Minister of Agriculture, already has a couple of great ideas about some events we could organize for the day, including an attempt in Old Town Square to break the record for rolling the world's largest joint. He's even lined up the producers of Prahajuana and Starotráva as potential sponsors. Cool, huh?
And Pilsner Urquell and Gambrinus are interested, too. Funny, right? Remember how worried all the beer producers were that legalizing marijuana would hurt their sales? Guess they just didn't realize how thirsty smoking pot makes you, and how incredible beer tastes when you're high.
Speaking of which, I think I'm going to go and grab myself a brewski right now.
Oh, hey, shit! I already have one right here.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Cheers,
Your P.M.
